Hold On to Memories
"Hold on to Memories" by the band Disturbed is an emotional song about grief, loss, and the power of remembrance. The core message is twofold. People who have died are never truly gone as long as you keep them alive in your mind. Cherish those wonderful moments shared with your deceased loved one. Don't allow your grief to enslave you - "Go do the best things in life."
I recently realized that I have allowed loss to control me for the last ten years. I lost so many things when we lost the house (we would not be able to pay our mortgage and my parents' mortgage.) I wasn't free to experiment in the kitchen, or stay out late for movies or wine tasting. My attempt to garden fell by the wayside. I wasn't welcomed in the living room, dining room. Jeff and I existed in our bedroom like good little children. (I'm carrying a lot of emotional baggage.)
Granted, I was active in Civil Air Patrol. I stepped up to serve as a squadron commander. I shifted to IG when my health began to plummet. And, during this time, I watched my father fade away and die in 2019. I went into a mental torpor. I stopped going to CAP meetings. The isolation Jeff and I felt ate away at my desire to take a bite of this world while I could; There wasn't much to look forward to for the rest of my life.
My mother passed away in 2023. I painted the foyer and living room, and changed the furniture layouts so Jeff and I can relax downstairs. I thinned out furniture and knickknacks. And now, looking back, I turned the dining room into a mess, perhaps trying to block her out due to lingering resentment of my own choices. And then our momentum stalled.
It's time to take control of my life again. I've got a back garden to set up before winter. My Better Half and I need to have more adventures together. Go on silly quests. Embrace each other before old age totally deprives us of everything except adult diapers and easily-chewed food. It's also time to hold on to good memories. There are so many!
However, I'm reminded of the last lyrics of Hold On to Memories. "The world's greatest tragedy: Souls who are not remembered cannot survive."
Jeff and I were never able to have a child. He's in his 60s and I'm in my 50s - too old to adopt. There isn't anybody to pass traditions, furniture, my mother's scripts, theatre knowledge, passions, and heirlooms on to. There aren't any adult kids that would look out for my quality of life once I'm too old to function. My soul, and Jeff's, will likely be forgotten.
SO.....I will continue to blog. Perhaps estranged family members will see it? Maybe strangers will stop by because one of my topics caught their fancy? I can't let these fears continue to eat me.
And I will work on the end-of-life stuff, which will make our passing easier on the surviving spouse. Time to purge!
The future scares me but, if I can involve myself in the world again, I won't face death alone. And, more importantly, Jeff and I can make as many good memories as we humanly can!
As for that song?...
Listen, everyone
The time will come when all of us say goodbye
Feel that aching in your heart
Leaving you broken inside
But we're never really gone
As long as there's a memory in your mind
So now go do the best things in life
Take a bite of this world while you can
Make the most of the rest of your life
Make a ride of this world while you can
Take the ones you love
And hold them close because there is little time
And don't let it break your heart
I know it feels hopeless sometimes
But they're never really gone
As long as there's a memory in your mind
So now go do the best things in life
Take a bite of this world while you can
Make the most of the rest of your life
Make a ride of this world while you can
And hold on to memories
Hold on to every moment
To keep them alive
The world's greatest tragedy
Souls who are not remembered
Cannot survive
So now go do the best things in life
Bring the fight to this world while you can
Make the most of the rest of your life
Shine your light on this world while you can
And hold on to memories
Hold on to every moment
To keep them alive
The world's greatest tragedy
Souls who are not remembered
Cannot survive
And hold on to memories
Hold on to every moment
To keep them alive
The world's greatest tragedy
Souls who are not remembered
Cannot survive (cannot survive)