The Lizard Isn't Processing Stuff
In MacLean's triune brain model, the basal ganglia are referred to as the reptilian or primal brain, as this structure is in control of our innate and automatic self-preserving behavior patterns, which ensure our survival and that of our species. The primal brain is also in charge of, what are often referred to as, the four Fs: Feeding, Fighting, Fleeing, and… Reproduction (well, we won’t use that other f-word here!). Notable behavior patterns include defense of self, family, and personal property, physical communication, and socially approved actions, such as handshakes, head nods, and bowing.*
My primal part has given the rest of my brain a hearty middle finger. Hold onto your butts because the lizard is at the helm.
I've been in this mode at least a week. I am terrified of the future. I set up a path to a good future back in 2005. It's gone. All my stuff is gone. I can't train my dogs. I resent the yellow walls because mine were that color before we gave everything up. I'm afraid of Jeff's future in this current house; the stairs will be a major issue in his future. My mother's cough is horrible and I'm powerless to take her pain away.
The lizard lifted his hind leg and pissed all over me yesterday. Mom wanted to go to the ED for the cough and a horrible pain in her side. The result? She had lung cancer and heart problems. We know that already. The pain can be attributed to a blockage in her bowel. Been there, done that, but never when her body is already brittle from that cancer and the heart problems.
She's been in the ED since 3 or so yesterday. They don't have any beds upstairs. They had admitted her and are working on a surgeon to come in and evaluate everything. Jeff brought her heating pad over this morning. I'm leaving soon to spend the evening with her.
And yes, I did cobble that brain image together today. I poured my frustrations into the design. You see, the only thing more powerful than that dreadful lizard... is my manic superpower. Between the two, I'll speed through a few more days.
Speed. Heh. That reminds me of my favorite hospital joke by Steven Wright:
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark."
Was he fined for it?
*"Our Three Brains - The Reptilian Brain", Interaction Design Foundation