The COVID Chronicles
"We are not where we need to be if we're going to be able to, quote, 'live with the virus,' because we know we're not going to eradicate it." - Dr. Fauci
It began during the wee hours of Tuesday. Jeff sounded like a flu-ridden manbaby. Time to dig out the COVID home testing thing! A couple swabs later and the test gave us a positive stripe. We packed the two loudest dogs into the trusty Bronco and headed to the local ER for confirmation.
It was dark when Jeff went in. It was daylight when he came out 8 hours later. He has COVID. I spent all that time trying to sleep with two asshole dogs' reactions to the Life Flight takeoffs and landings.
Griping aside, I was sick with worry.
COVID-19 is caused by a coronavirus called SARS-CoV-2. Older adults and people who have severe underlying medical conditions like heart or lung disease or diabetes seem to be at higher risk for developing more serious complications from COVID-19 illness.
I don't want to lose my Mum to COVID. I sat her down and used one of our newest tests to check her stats and mine. We both came out negative.
I pulled out all the stops for Jeff. Cozy bedroom to himself, dogs staying in the office with me, plenty of broth and other good things at hand. A bit of turkey, too. And... AND! I started this "chronicle" as a means to make Jeff smile while COVID made his life heck. Graphics, banner, format! Log all the things!
I took care of my own comfort while he was in isolation. I have an old trailer couch cushion in the garage. It's perfectly serviceable as a makeshift bed. I dragged it upstairs, added some soft fleece blankets to it, and plenty of pillows for the dogs. We agreed to start a small bluegrass band and call ourselves Insignificant Background Filler. And then we nodded off.
That night was spent comfortably.
And then 3 am hit...
Dun dun DUUNNNN!
November 23, Wednesday
Was awoken by the sensation of an elephant perched on my chest. It wasn't an elephant. It was a hound. My coughing woke him up. I feel like shit. But it's not COVID because I tested negative yesterday. So did Mum.
It's kinda ironic how my best efforts to protect myself were all for naught. I am now in the same pot with Jeff. The trusty kit showed me positive.
I told my mother about the results. She can't miss that final radiation therapy treatment. (Because, you know, lung cancer is impugn... to COVID... WTF was I gonna type here?)
We both masked up and drove to her appointment with my window down. Because reasons? Her appointment was quick so we stopped at the EmergyCare place for an actual test done by professionals. And then I took her shopping because there's a chance I don't have COVID. Plus it takes 3 days for the test result due to the holiday.
And that's it. That's the problem in a nutshell. My health issues mask many COVID symptoms except the loss of taste. That's new and weird.
So now I'm home. Today sucked but I'm looking forward to having another cuddle night with the dogs.
EmergyCare called. I have COVID.
We exposed my mother to a bad virus despite all my precautions. I'm scared for her.
November 24, Thursday
🍗 Happy Thanksgiving. Meh.
🍗 Happy Thanksgiving. Meh.
My mother is hacking up a lung but that's expected after her radiation treatments.
I cooked some turkey leg parts. My mother made noodles for Jeff to put turkey leg parts and broth in.
Knowing him, he skipped the broth. What's better than slathering noodles with butter and Parm cheese? Plus you can tear chunks from the thigh and stir them into the mess.
Thinking about it nauseates me.
So today is my first Thanksgiving without a traditional meal.
I just tried to drink my candle.
Well, that escalated quickly.
November 25, Friday
I need to sleep. The fatigue hits like a freight train. The congestion is ludicrous. The pain is normal for me. The confusion? That's already chomping on my normal brain fog. And my body's efforts to handle COVID
I fell asleep while writing that.
We've rescheduled today's MRI. Now I'll need to reschedule my appointments with the pain clinic and surgeon. And then I need to reschedule all my doctor appointments, bumping them out at least three weeks.Someone remind me to pick up the dogs' heart worm protection. And to cancel my oral surgery.
I feel like shit.
God, please don't take away my mother, Jeff, or our dogs.
November 26, Saturday
Woke up thinking yesterday was the worst of it. Imagine my disappointment. Today is worse. I'm now a mouth-breather. Snot parked itself in each nostril and flung its arms wide to ward off oxygen; You shall not pass!Meanwhile Jeff is capering around like a Capuchin with a fresh bag of Skittles. Thank goodness he felt well enough to drive to the store.
While he was gone, I sat on the back porch steps and watched my dogs root around the grass.
"What you got, guys?"
The hound trotted over and deposited a live grub into my palm. And the min pin glanced up and began chewing faster.
I put the live one into the 'grub hub' habitat.
"What you got, guys?"
The hound trotted over and deposited a live grub into my palm. And the min pin glanced up and began chewing faster.
I put the live one into the 'grub hub' habitat.
My fever is gone. Must be all the Tylenol. It still difficult to take a
deep breath. I can hear the crackles below as well as the odd,
restrictive noise when I exhale. I need to PT the fuck out of these lungs. I don't want to chance pneumonia.
Jeff ordered from Domino's. I had a lava cake and some twisty bread. I don't think I can hold it down.
November 27, Sunday
(That twisty bread and chocolate thing did not go over well with my body.)Zoie woke me up at five. She achieves this by squirming through the neck of my PJ top, circling a bunch of times, extracting herself, and perching on me. She barks. Solid tempo bark at a very high volume.
BARK! 1 Mississippi 2 Mississippi BARK! 1 Mississippi 2 Mississippi...
It's 6 am. All the dogs got their "breakfast biscuit". I'm going back to bed.
Might as well get out of bed, since I'm awake again. Plus the dogs need to pee.
The ground outside is saturated from steady rain. It's still gently falling, now. I listen to the pattering of water on gutter and roof. I'm alone, as everyone else is still asleep. This tranquillity of mind does me good.
Skipping the coffee. Too many steps to make, and a bunch of dirty things needing a wash afterwards. Tea is simple. Put water in massive mug. Microwave for 3 minutes. Add honey... go upstairs because that's where our tea things are. Find a bag of green tea. Put bag in and set timer for 6 minutes. Carefully open mug and remove bag, and squeeze/wring to avoid getting liquid all over the desk. Go to put teabag in trash. It slides off spoon. Tea drippings are now everywhere, including the hot drops on my thigh.
Fuck this shit.
Aaand crisis over. I can get on with life.
This is the perfect breakfast for today. Except for the wine. That's been sitting on my desk for at least a month. It's supposed to remind me that we're out of wine.
Little kid thinking: I can't speak for Millennials. I'm Gen x. Many in my generation, and perhaps those preceding it, thought our digestive system was just this narrow neck jug. When you're full, you're full. If you could see down your throat, you'd swear you'd find all that chewed stuff. Nobody expects a preschooler to have a working grasp of anatomy.
That's how I feel today, if you swap lungs for stomach. I'm filled with congestion. If I don't cough deep, the lung sludge doesn't move. If I force myself to cough deeply, I don't think that sludge will move anyway.
Nope, it doesn't move. Combivent might loosen stuff.
That's slightly better.
I don't have any plans today. I need to sleep. I need Jeff to go to Walgreens and use the drive through to pick up my pain meds. The insurance finally approved it.
November 28, Monday
Zoie woke me at 5:50 am. I went back to sleep a few hours later, and slept a few hours. Today has been absolute shit. Jeff tucked clean house clothes in our dresser. Putting them on after my shower was the best sensation ever. Little things like this cast away storm clouds. Thank you, Better Half.
That happy bubble burst a short time later. I tested Jeff for COVID. The positive bar was barely there. I tested myself. The positive bar was vivid purple. I tested Mum because she felt like shit. Her positive bar as as bad as mine.
I had to explain again that the vaccine doesn't protect people from COVID. She'll call her cancer doctor tomorrow to see how to best proceed. After all, these newer tests suck ball. It's possible that it's a false-positive.
I'm deflated. I'm angry. Where and how did Jeff and I get COVID? What selfish dickwistle would put other people at risk?
I'm depressed. I'm frustrated. I feel like shit. But I'll 100% be there for my mom.
November 29, Tuesday
This day sucked. I have mucus coming out my left nostril 24/7. No, not snot. The mucus you get when you cough up congested lung poop. It's annoying AF but there's little I can do for it. If I start gargling, I'll go to the ER. Until then, I'm fine with whining about how sick I am.In all seriousness, I've never been this sick before. Part of me wants to scream at my own ass. The other part is intrigued by the symptoms.
Let's pay a visit to the CDC. Their coffee is atrocious but they have awesome bagels. Plus, they're pretty friendly. Unless you're sick. Then they swaddle you in bubble wrap and hide you in a closet.
Symptoms may appear 2-14 days after exposure to the virus. People with these symptoms may have COVID-19:
- Fever or chills [yep]
- Cough [yep]
- Shortness of breath or difficulty breathing [yep]
- Fatigue [yep]
- Muscle or body aches [yep]
- Headache [yep]
- New loss of taste or smell [yep]
- Sore throat [nope]
- Congestion or runny nose [yep]
- Nausea or vomiting [nope]
- Diarrhea [nope]
Had to take a nap.
I brought a can of ginger ale up without spilling it on the stairs. I sat down at my desk. I took a swig. Spasms. Ginger ale everywhere. It got the keyboard and mouse, and the marble tile I uses as a huge coaster. I picked everything up and wiped it dry. Onto the desk's L it went! It was just this brutal moment. I'm ready to rage-quit this day.
But (but!) the ginger ale saga got worse. I reached for the desk's L and knocked over the same can. Picked up the can and slammed it into my garbage can. Carbonation, kids.
This was a good excuse to organize and clean. Not.
And here we are!
November 30, Wednesday
The fatigue hits like a freight train. The congestion is
ludicrous. The pain is normal for me. The confusion? That's already
chomping on my normal brain fog. And my body's efforts to handle COVID.
If that sounds familiar, it's because I stole it from last Friday.
Not much has changed. I got into a minor battle with my mother.
"Ma, you can't go shopping. You need to isolate."
"I feel fine. I need to go shopping."
"Your symptoms place you as a risk to others, Ma."
"I'll wear a mask!"
God Himself couldn't stop my angry explosion. "You can't just 'wear a mask'. You are putting others at risk. How would you like it if some COVID person pawed through the fresh produce or put their hands all over stuff?!"
"I need to go-"
"You wanna go shopping? Fine. GO. Every elderly or at-risk person you kill with your stubbornness... on your soul be it."
She withered under my glare. That happens only once a decade.
"Jeff will pick up your fucking alcohol." I added in a much-softer voice.
- unrelated, but three ambulances just streaked by, followed by a cop, followed by our city's fire truck. We're on the main street just a block or so before the stoplight. Take the turn to hit the highway. Or go straight and our street becomes an old state route, eventually. These emergency vehicles went straight.
I lost my train of thought. Ah, screw it. I'm going to rot my brain with more YouTube.
November 30, Wednesday
Same shit, different day. I am tired of COVID. All I want is an artichoke but the ones in the stores look yucky.This journal is a warbling mess, isn't it. I should have made each day stand alone.
My mother cracked me up this afternoon. She insists that I won't have COVID because tomorrow will be two weeks since I was diagnosed. That's not how this works That's not how any of this works. (I love that Esurance commercial.)
Mum is anal retentive. Have an appointment? She needs the time for the calendar. When is dinner? 5:13 pm; No matter what she's cooking, she has is all planned out so that pot hits the table at exactly 5:13. Need to take medication? She times it to the exact minute it needs to go down your throat. Every day is a repeat of the days before.
My mom-dar goes off if I'm away from home and running late; "What time will you be home? Are you almost done?" If I''m home, she calls my phone and leaves a voicemail before calling Jeff's phone.
I absolutely admire her ability to plan to that degree. That aside, no virus operates on a schedule.
"Did Jeff test yet?" she brings me back to the present. I don't know the answer.
December 2, Friday
Jeff tested negative. It's a sigh of relief. I tested positive. We both tested because my mother is driving us nuts.
She wrote down the dates we all tested positive. According to the entire world, my test would be negative.
That's a positive test.
I'm
an immunocompromised chick with an endomorph metabolism. Caner and
treatments fucked up my endocrine system. I don't want these health
problems. I don't want attention because I have these things. I just
want people to understand that these things impact my life differently
than most. It's okay.
I can't breathe through my nose. And I mean zero breathing.
It's not typical snot. It's the same crap I'm coughing up. The high
viscosity makes it difficult to breathe. No amount of blowing clears out
the thick mucus.
I
don't know how other people would react to the same stuff. I can't
drink a ginger ale because of the carbonation. I can't eat unless I chew
with my mouth open. Most people would be upset, maybe? I'm just along
for the ride, oohing and aahing as I discover more body parts I've taken
for granted.
Or
am I being too cavalier about it? Should I go to the hospital and let
them know my airways are becoming a major issue? No lie, I'm afraid I'll
choke in my sleep.
December 5, Monday
Writing is a challenge. The frustration begets depression.
A
basic example of it: I wrote "begets" but I didn't know if I was using
it properly. I opened a new tab and I couldn't remember what word I was
looking for. Pop back to this draft to find the word I needed to
define.
I
have always wanted to write a book. I promised myself that I would work
on it in 2020. Now I can't even work up an outline. I lose my train of
thought. I look back to my prior blogs and the storytelling and I'm
shocked by how well entries were written.
Does COVID cause this?
COVID-19
can cause the brain to shrink, reduce grey matter in the regions that
control emotion and memory, and damage areas that control the sense of
smell, an Oxford University study has found.
"There
is strong evidence for brain-related abnormalities in COVID-19," the
researchers said in their study, which was released on Monday.
Even
in mild cases, participants in the research showed "a worsening of
executive function" responsible for focus and organising, and on an
average brain sizes shrank between 0.2% and 2%.
Reduce grey matter in the regions that control emotion and memory? Jesus. Are these things permanent?
Studies
have found some people who had COVID suffered from "brain fog" or
mental cloudiness that included impairment to attention, concentration,
speed of information processing and memory.
Yes, we get that.
The
researchers did not say if vaccination against COVID had any impact on
the condition but the UK Health Security Agency said last month that a
review of 15 studies found that vaccinated people were about half as
likely to develop symptoms of long COVID compared with the unvaccinated.
You are not helping, Reuters, Are these brain-related abnormalities in COVID permanent?
Memory
problems — colloquially called brain fog — are one of the most common
brain-related, long-COVID symptoms.If you’ve had COVID-19, it may still
be messing with your brain. Those who have been infected with the virus
are at increased risk of developing a range of neurological conditions
in the first year after the infection, new research shows. Such
complications include strokes, cognitive and memory problems,
depression, anxiety and migraine headaches, according to a comprehensive
analysis of federal health data by researchers at Washington University
School of Medicine in St. Louis and the Veterans Affairs St. Louis
Health Care system.
My mental health team goes the extra mile. The cognitive and memory problems, however, are my neurologist's bailiwick. It's the next part that scares me more than anything.
Additionally,
the post-COVID brain is associated with movement disorders, from
tremors and involuntary muscle contractions to epileptic seizures,
hearing and vision abnormalities, and balance and coordination
difficulties as well as other symptoms similar to what is experienced
with Parkinson’s disease.
Post-COVID
brain? The aftermath of this virus? Will these issues build over time?
Does it affect my immune system? My dad died from complications brought
on by Parkinson's so that is another scare?
The findings are published Sept. 22 in Nature Medicine.
“Our study provides a comprehensive assessment of the long-term neurologic consequences of COVID-19,” said senior author Ziyad Al-Aly, MD, a clinical epidemiologist at Washington University. “Past studies have examined a narrower set of neurological outcomes, mostly in hospitalized patients. We evaluated 44 brain and other neurologic disorders among both nonhospitalized and hospitalized patients, including those admitted to the intensive care unit. The results show the devastating long-term effects of COVID-19. These are part and parcel of long COVID. The virus is not always as benign as some people think it is.”
Overall, COVID-19 has contributed to more than 40 million new cases of neurological disorders worldwide, Al-Aly said.
“Our study provides a comprehensive assessment of the long-term neurologic consequences of COVID-19,” said senior author Ziyad Al-Aly, MD, a clinical epidemiologist at Washington University. “Past studies have examined a narrower set of neurological outcomes, mostly in hospitalized patients. We evaluated 44 brain and other neurologic disorders among both nonhospitalized and hospitalized patients, including those admitted to the intensive care unit. The results show the devastating long-term effects of COVID-19. These are part and parcel of long COVID. The virus is not always as benign as some people think it is.”
Overall, COVID-19 has contributed to more than 40 million new cases of neurological disorders worldwide, Al-Aly said.
The
results show the devastating long-term effects of COVID-19. These are
part and parcel of long COVID. The virus is not always as benign as some
people think it is.”
That is what worries me.
The article, "COVID-19 infections increase risk of long-term brain problems, now focuses on the true aftermath". became more frightening the more I read it. I almost cried.
Jeff tested positive on the 21st.
I listened to him coughing in the other room, so I tested him. It
showed a positive result - time for the emergency department. He tested
negative a week or so later. He did not have any prolonged symptoms,
thankfully.
My mother did not want go to the hospital or emergency clinic. She did not want to sit with sick people. I tested her in home. It was a faint positive. She tested negative today.
I
tested positive on November 23rd vie the emergency clinic, but I had
symptoms starting on November 20. I tested positive again after 7 days.
That second test did me well. My mother watched me knock into walls and
stagger on the stairs. She watched my hand tremors and the sudden
jerking which causes me to drop shit. She finally understands that I am
not faking symptoms.
Meanwhile,
I'm listening to her cough up a lung. Her last radiation procedure for
her lung cancer was the day before Thanksgiving. I don't know if COVID
affected those treatments. She doesn't want to talk about it with the
caner center.
I
just realized that both Jeff and Mom were given an antiviral
prescription once it was diagnosed. Mine was delayed. I took the first
dose today.
It's
difficult to type at the moment. One of my meds causes tremors. COVID
ramped the symptoms up. I do more backspacing now. I don't like carrying
breakable things.
And Jeff picked up new COVID tests. Mum is negative. I am...DRUM ROLL...
still positive. What the hell? I have an overdue port flush tomorrow. I
don't want to expose every person in the infusion center. Fvck. I need
to follow Jeff's advice: call the ER and ask if they can do the flush.
Thankfully,
I'm able to get my flush tomorrow. COVID is killing my body but I can't
contaminate people after that 10-day mark. It's been 13 days for me.
I'm glad I called.
And
my mother just called ... She wants me to retest tomorrow, and the next
day, and the day after that. She insists that I will give her COVID.
"You need to test Wednesday!"
I put my foot down. I'm not contagious. The symptoms will linger longer due to my lack of an immune system. Such is life.
What a day this has been. I want to go to bed right now, barely after 7 pm.
December 13, Tuesday
"The
brain fog is terrible. I still have a disconnect with the world around
me. It's difficult to type at the moment. Fog brain and nerve damage.
"Writing is a challenge. The frustration begets depression."
I recycled that quote from my last COVID update. Meh.
The
symptoms have died back but are not completely gone. Between nasal
leakage and foggy mind, I can accurately state that COVID sucks necrotic
balls.
I
have a new symptom: lost equilibrium and staggering. This happens if I
lean too far forward. I'm not Jeff. He passes out like a tree toppling.
Mine
is a body that suddenly impacts something in front of me due to
diminished equilibrium. I've fallen forward while replenishing toilet
paper. I fell forward while tinkling. I fell forward on the stairs. I
fell forward on the back porch. I fell forward while lifting the dogs'
water bowl. I fell forward... you get the picture. I don't lose
consciousness. I wildly throw my arms forward to stave off inevitable
pain. And I'm terrified of the stairs. Staggering around makes impact
all the more sinister.
Granted,
it's horrific. There are some comedic moments at times. I went to pick
up that water bowl and fell forward fast enough to impact my head and
the side of a cabinet.
*thock!*
"What are you doing", my mother asks.
"I'm getting the dogs fresh water". I say with my head still pressed against the cabinet.
She sizes me up as I struggle to get the bowl. "That's not how you do it."
Really? Really?!
The equilibrium
issue is still there today but it isn't as wild as yesterday. The
inability to type words is getting on my kast narve. Spelling things is
also an issue. The auto-correct implants the wrong word. "Foreword"
instead of "forward".
COVID-19
can also cause dizziness and imbalance by causing vestibular neuritis.
Vestibular neuritis can be caused by a variety of viral infections and
typically results in a vestibular hypofunction or weakness in the inner
ear system. Treatment for dizziness due to COVID-19 is similar to
treatments for other causes of vestibular neuritis.
I
don't know what to think about all this. They throw things at me.
Antibiotic? Didn't work? Here's an antiviral for you. Still bad? Here's
some methylprednisolone.
I've
been awake since 4:30 this morning. The damn dog barks until I get out
of bed and give a damn give breakfast biscuit to her. It's 8 am now.
Might get some sleep. My MRI isn't until 3
pm.
December 14, Wednesday
This is the last COVID Chronicles update. I'm still dealing with the aftermath. We all, each in our own way.
I cobbled all COVID posts together and pasted them into this text wall.
