Nightmares
night·mare
/ˈnītˌmer/
A nightmare is a disturbing dream associated with negative feelings, such as anxiety or fear that awakens you. Nightmares are common in children but can happen at any age. Occasional nightmares usually are nothing to worry about.
I usually don't worry about nightmares. Yes, my brain has jarred me from slumber because of a bad dream. I snap awake, I take stock in my surroundings, I breathe, and sensibility returns. No impact on my wakeful hours.
This isn't the case recently. I have the same stupid dream theme on repeat. It's that horrible feeling I had while dealing with bank bullshit and "underwriters". I lack the talent to describe it. The aftermath has been the same damn bullshit I went through before, physically.
This is ridiculous. What the fuck, brain?
The stress has been overwhelming. I can't handle any of this anymore.
This is not an exaggeration. I have gone to the emergency department twice. My body can't handle the stress. It is overwhelmed by it. It's switched into an autoimmune battle mode. I have been puking and unable to balance since June 21st. I don't digest. It all passes through or comes up again in masticated pulp form. And, as a final "fuck off" from my body, the immune system is attacking my appendix. Better it than my heart, right?
No appendix woes this time around. No puking. Just shitting my pills whole again, without warning. Because nightmare. Like I'm reliving the fucking stress the last two nights.
"Hey, this bag needs to go outside with the rest of the trash." I said to Jeff. I suppose my tone was don't-question-just-do. He just took the trash out like normal.
I'm hoping I don't have to throw away more bags of the stuff. Hydrate. Laugh. Regret. Crap. Repeat.