Not Cathartic + Next Day Edit
I finally worked up the nerve to look at all the documents pertaining to the bank's negligence. Revisiting it was beyond painful. I managed to make a summary of their actions and sent it off to a lawyer.
This process was not cathartic. I stopped writing about half way through and went into the bathroom to cry in my damn closet. I'd forgotten just how much I'd stuffed in there to make room for the plumber today. And then I came back and finished up the email, and returned to the bathroom to puke.
I'm amazed by how much of a hold the stress still has on me. I need to stop giving a damn about it. My mind won't let me. I have tried to tell myself that the whole mess never happened, but my mind knows it did. No meditation has worked for me. I have medication for the anxiety. That only works for a little while.
EDIT
I'm in no mood to make a new entry about this topic. It's now 27 August. Yesterday I plopped in the incorrect banner image link. Enjoy the new image: bleak snow scene. </sarcasm>
I'm shocked by how much this ordeal affects me still. I had nightmares last night. The one I best remember is the one that woke me up this morning: that we were stuck in the snow and trying to get into our new home. Our car was there but the keys were in the locked garage. We pounded on the door. And Jeff died from the cold. I woke up holding back a fucking scream and then rolled over because I thought he wouldn't be there. I touched him. He was warm and softly snoring.
