Kum Ba Ya, My Lord
I have a memory of walking on the beach at dusk. I can't remember how old I was. Ten, maybe, or younger. I was at an asinine church group activity that my mother thought I'd enjoy. You know, sitting on the beach and singing Kum Ba Yah with other kids?
Fuck it. Their brand of Jesus was overly sappy and protestant. I was Catholic. I walked away from the campfire unnoticed.
I remember holding my shoes and allowing the surf to capture my toes. Forty years have past but I can still taste the salty air and hear the ocean breathing. I don't know how long I walked before noticing that I wasn't alone.
His name eludes me. He had blonde hair set into tight braids. I don't know if he ghosted me because he was curious. Perhaps he hated singing that song too?
I think we made small talk as the sky darkened. I didn't want to go back. I was feeling adventurous. We parted and I continued on, following a trail through some beach grasses. The grass became brush and that brush parted into a path through trees.
I had done this once before. It wouldn't be the last time, either.
I scrabbled up a hill slippery from damp twigs and pine needles. The ocean's roar was on my right. I'm going north, I told myself. The hill became rocks which increased in size. I slipped my shoes off and tied the laces together. Now slung over my shoulder, they bounced against my chest as my hands and bare feet found purchase between cracks and gaps.
The climb wasn't dangerous or too difficult. Moonlight greeted me once I crested the overhang.
The view! God made that ocean and those rocks, I just knew it! And the stars! There were so many! Isn't it funny that a church group drags children to the beach to sing around a campfire? All they needed to do was give them rocks overlooking God's creation.
Isolated and content, I did what I felt was right. I sung Kum By Ya.
I remember climbing back down, retracing my steps, creeping up on the church group campsite. And I remember feeling let down. Did they even notice I was gone? Didn't I exist?
I went into the bathhouse and sat on a toilet. I cried a bit. I was a nonentity. Otherwise I would have been chewed out by an adult.
One of those adults entered the bathroom a bit later. Apparently, the boy had told them I disappeared. Horrified to find me there, she asked where I had been.
"I felt sick," I lied. I probably gave her some stupid excuse, like hiding behind the building so kids wouldn't see me puke and make fun of me. I really can't remember much more than climbing into my sleeping bag.
Kum ba yah, my lord, Kum ba yah!
Kum ba yah, my lord, Kum ba yah!
Kum ba yah, my lord, Kum ba yah.
O Lord, Kum ba yah
Someone's crying, Lord, Kum ba yah!
Someone's crying, Lord, Kum ba yah!
Someone's crying, Lord, Kum ba yah!
O Lord, Kum ba yah
Someone's singing, Lord, Kum ba yah!
Someone's singing, Lord, Kum ba yah!
Someone's singing, Lord, Kum ba yah!
O Lord, Kum ba yah
Someone's praying, Lord, Kum ba yah!
Someone's praying, Lord, Kum ba yah!
Someone's praying, Lord, Kum ba yah!
O Lord, Kum ba yah