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"I have pooped in the yard and now I will eat croutons."

Her mastery of the Queen's English gives me pause. Didn't I shut down the computer? Why would anyone on BBC News make that proclamation?  I mean, it's plausible to hear that during Parliamentary coverage but we haven't bothered to pay attention since John Bercow left. 
Never listened to the House of Commons bicker? It's loads more entertaining than our own sawdust and sneer sessions here in the US.
What was I going to say? No matter. I'm sure it was something dull. Might as well get off my ass and pat her on her head. Good poop, Zoie!

I don't have the heart to tell her that we don't have croutons.