Skip to main content

Chocolate Donut Dogmageddon

I had my COVID booster on Monday. I've spent the last two days stumbling and listing like a drunken sailor. I'm confused, lethargic. Thoughts and words seemed pushed through molasses. It's my immune system. My autoimmune system? Whatever. It knocks me on my ass.

Jeff goes to the shop on Wednesdays. Huzzah! I get to spend an evening doing anything I want. What I wanted to do most was sleep. 

The dogs are usually good for me. Except for tonight. Oh. My. God. They. Would. Not. Shut. Up. If my mother's demon wasn't setting them off, it was Piper barking at nothing.

Ruff...

BOWOWOWOW! AYEH EH EH EEEEEH BOWWOW WOW YAP YAP BOW WOW WOW!

I wanted to skin them and turn their fur into mittens for orphans. 

Despite being a target-rich environment, I lacked anything to throw at them. My screams of "SHIT THE FUCK UP!" mingled with their cacophony. They'd quiet down and exhaustion took my mind from me. This repetitive cycle lasted an hour.

And then, Dogmageddon.

I had set the gate up in the hall, blocking us in the bedroom. Then I shut the door nearly closed. It sticks, so it's damn impossible to pry open.

One of those fuckers got the door open enough for Piper to knock down the gate. Oh, holy hell, the sounds were beyond beyond. 

 BOWOWOWOW! AYEH EH EH EEEEEH BOW Toni, are you WOW WOW Ok? YAP YAP Yeah Mum BOW WOW WOW! I'm just sleeping BOWOWOWOW AYEH EH EH!

I rolled out of bed, picked up the fallen gate, and staggered down the stairs. I think they figured shit out once they were outside. My soft, livid tone cowed them. They peed and came inside without any nonsense.

I needed to go back to sleep to give my immune system a decent chance of handling the booster. Instead, I walked into the bedroom to find Jeff's bag of double-fudge donuts shredded. I hadn't initially noticed it because the light was off.

 

I just wanted a quiet night so I could sleep. I was so glad that Jeff was going to the shop. But this? This broke my will. I'm absolutely depressed, and the majority of it stems from my intense fatigue and disjointed thoughts.

I called Jeff to find out how many donuts were in the bag. "About 10." Okay, so which dog ate all of them? Zoie definitely shredded that bag. Would the others have jumped in to grab the goods?

Dogs can't digest theobromine and caffeine. Both of those both belong to a group of chemicals called methylxanthines.

Part of what makes methylxanthines so dangerous to animals is how slowly they process them, in particular, theobromine. While dogs reach peak serum (the non-cell part of blood) levels of caffeine after 30-60 minutes and eliminate half of an ingested dose in 4.5 hours, they don’t reach peak serum levels of theobromine until after 10 hours and take 17.5 hours to eliminate half of it. 

While they’re in the blood, methylxanthines have a few effects. Primarily, they inhibit the activation of adenosine receptors. These receptors are generally responsible for making us feel sleepy, and decreasing the activity of our bodies. Methylxanthines inhibit these sleepy feelings and act as stimulants. 

So, what does this mean for your dog who ate a chocolate bar? It means they will feel nauseous and probably vomit, they’ll have a high heart rate, diarrhea, show signs of hyperactivity and, if they consumed a high dose of methylxanthines, tremors, seizures and possibly death.

- McGill Office of Science and Society


These assholes don't look hyperactive to me. We'll wait to see if they have the squirts.




As for my sleep? Jeff just walked in the door. Guess where I'm headed? Yep, bed.






Comments