Mom Update II

 

 Another day in ICU. It's just like every other day, but this one is filled with 40% more blorft.

Mom is combating ICU psychosis. It occurs late at night. As her nurse told me, it's like having two different patients; gentle and compliant vs agitated and combative. 

ICU may difficult for some patients. I can't blame my mother for her behavior. She's unaware of what she's doing. In that twilight state, her hands find things that shouldn't be there, so she picks at them to remove them.

I came in today to find her prepped for 10 rounds with whoever wishes to mess with her. The mittens strapped to her wrists aren't uncomfortable but fingers and palms get sweaty.

She's physically depressed. The BiPAP's growls mix with her small snore. Her NG tube causes the seal to slip. Eyes closed, she's nearly oblivious to my presence. I wipe away a tear that formed of its own accord at the corner of her eye.

This isn't a good state to be in. It's the cusp between a will to live or allowing physical apathy because the mind sees no end to the situation. Mom's stable, her heart rate is high but not too dangerously. Her blood pressure, urine output, and sugars are all within norms. The incision looks great. She has pain but it isn't crushing; her bed contributes to it. Her color looks fantastic.

I tell her a silly story about Dante, partially fictitious in an attempt to cheer her. She smiles, and then nods off again. I'm regulated to the role of watch dog... guardian? Sentry? I'm fine with the roles. I pull yarn and needles out and curl up in the chair.

 

The evening passes. I'm nearly ready to give up my attempt to learn to knit. I stuff the tangled mess into my bag. "Going outside, Mom."

She briefly wakes. "Cigarette?"

Yup.

I return to find her surgeon visiting. He's a sweetie. They've put in a new arterial line (and stitched it for good measure!) and Mom's getting prepped to have an in-room x-ray. It will take a while, and I can't be present, so I put my hands on her and offer a prayer. She smiles and tells me to go home.

I'll return tomorrow. Take it one day at a time. Be in her corner. Be a voice for her.