Parasomnias

 

Parasomnias are nothing new to me. My dreams have always been vivid. That's a good thing, until it becomes an embarassing thing, such as reaching out to grab something not there, going for a walk, or experiencing sleep paralysis.

I think the culprit this time could be my endocrine system. It has hated me ever since treatment for thyroid cancer. 

The thyroid regulates your metabolism. The two main thyroid hormones are T3 and T4. The thyroid’s main role in the endocrine system is to regulate your metabolism via the two main thyroid hormones: T3 and T4. In turn, these hormones regulate the body's metabolic rate controlling heart, muscle and digestive function, brain development and bone maintenance. They also aid your body’s ability to break down food and convert it to energy.

My endocrine system in a nutshell: "Oh, so you thought having our buddy ripped out and subjecting us to radiation was clever? We will make you pay!"  T3 and T4 can cause parasomnias if the levels are too high. Likewise, other glands in the endocrine system can contribute.

Long before the cancer, I did have two parasomnias that affected me as a child. I talk in my sleep; I used to experience horrible sleep paralysis. 

It is safe to say that my Better Half has listened to me babble in my sleep. Hopefully nothing I say offends him.

The sleep paralysis, which is a temporary inability to move or speak while falling asleep or upon waking, is a totally different matter. It is a state of involuntary immobility occurring at sleep onset or offset, often accompanied by uncanny “ghost-like” hallucinations and extreme fear reactions. There is a neuropharmacological account for these hallucinatory experiences and the role of the serotonin 2A receptor (5-HT2AR) causing this state.^*

 

Every kid knows that the easiest way to combat the monster in your closet or under your bed is to cover your head with a blanket. (Unless it is the creature from John Carpenter's The Thing. You be dead, mate.)  

A sleep paralysis hallucination is not a monster. To a child, it is a very real Thing, an Entity, a Being capable of horrible, horrible things. And you, paralyzed in your bed, are unable to move or speak or cover your head with the blanket. It stares at you or sometimes seems to glide closer to you.

Sad to say, most parents don't understand sleep paralysis and so they tell their child that it was a bad dream, to go back to bed, to turn on their nightlight. My parents were no exception.

I named the "shadow" Grim. He was real in my child's mind. I thought maybe he could be telepathic. He seemed to hear my mind asking him to go away, and so he would - Sleep paralysis usually lasts only a minute or two.

His was the world of dreams, good and bad. And dreams were my escape from the monotony in life. And, for whatever reason, I always thought he would sound like Tom Waits, should he choose to speak at all.

That artist's love affair with Corvidae gave me the solution for avoiding Grim.

I saw a crow building a nest, I was watching him very carefully, I was kind of stalking him and he was aware of it. And you know what they do when they become aware of someone stalking them when they build a nest, which is a very vulnerable place to be? They build a decoy nest. It's just for you. - Tom Waits

I built a nest in my closet. I do not know if Grim visited and saw my lumpy bed. Maybe he stood there trying to frighten nothing at all or maybe he was saddened by my absence. Of course, I also slept with the blanket over my head to escape the closet monster.

Dim light bulb: why was my childhood so fucked up??

Cutting myself some slack: I was only 6 or 7, or maybe 8?

The sleep paralysis tapered away during my mid-teen years. By then, I had come to view its "shadows" in a different light.

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

I missed Grim and the weird asleep-awake twilight, until recently.

aw a crow building a nest, I was watching him very carefully, I was kind of stalking him and he was aware of it. And you know what they do when they become aware of someone stalking them when they build a nest, which is a very vulnerable place to be? They build a decoy nest. It's just for you. Tom Waits
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/stalking-quotes

I have the weirdest parasomnia going on currently. My dreams are, as always, vivid. However, in my dream state, I am holding onto something (a cup, a fork, a pen, a tennis ball etc) and I wake up with my arm extended, as though whatever I was holding in my dream suddenly vanished. It was creepy a few months ago. Now it earns a half-awake "meh, dream crap" and I go back to sleep.

Last night, I pushed myself upright and turned to dangle my legs over the edge of the mattress. It was at that point that my body said, "Oh hell no. Here's some pain to wake you the fuck up."

Thank you, body. 

What the hell was I dreaming about to get me in this position? I do not know. Wishing I did. I have never, ever been a sleepwalker. 

The only thing that comes to mind is my endocrine system. Or too much calcium. Or stress. Or meds that throw my serotonin 2A off kilter. Should I put a bell on the door so Better Half hears me if I sleepwalk right out of the bedroom? One of those loud door alarm things you use for dementia patients? I am not afraid of sleepwalking but I am concerned about falling down the stairs.

Of less concern is the potential of having sleep paralysis episodes again. As I said, I outgrew that particular parasomnia. 

I grunt at the notion. Would my mind trick me into seeing shadows in the corners? If so, would Grim silently back away because I am now old and physically shattered?

 

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*Jalal B. (2018). The neuropharmacology of sleep paralysis hallucinations: serotonin 2A activation and a novel therapeutic drug. Psychopharmacology, 235(11), 3083–3091. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00213-018-5042-1