Wife Stabs Husband with Squirrel

   I have a metric crapton of posts-in-progress that I've either been too lazy to complete or have lost interest. Yet I found the time to blog this.

What the hell, Florida?! Oh, wait. This weirdness comes from South Carolina. I'd apologize to Florida but we all know weird shit happens there.  

(Don't believe me? Bored Panda collected the best Florida Man stories for an instant WTFLI*.)

So, back to the topic...

How the fuck does anyone stab someone with a squirrel? Was it frozen? Or petrified into stone? Did she cut her partner first, then plunge the starving, angry squirrel in there for good measure?

 

NORTH CHARLESTON, SC (WCSC) - A 41-year-old man was left bloodied early Christmas morning after his spouse attacked and stabbed him with a ceramic squirrel for not bringing home beer, according to an incident report. 

Helen Ann Williams, 44, was arrested Wednesday and charged with criminal domestic violence of a high and aggravated nature.

The victim told police he went to the store to get beer, but returned home because the store was closed.

The reports states Williams was mad the victim did not bring home beer. She then hit the victim over the head with a ceramic squirrel, and stabbed him in the chest with it.

Ah, a ceramic squirrel. That's much better than a real one. 

Okay, not better for husband. His alcoholic wife still stabby stabbied him. 

He'll likely have some PTSD surrounding that. He might avoid yard art and animal shaped gravy boats for a while. But, had it been an actual squirrel, can you imagine the terror this guy would suffer every time he walked close to a park?

Hmm. How dangerous can a squirrel really be?

I searched for an image of the ceramic squirrel, but no luck. Supposedly, Miss Helen struck him over the head with it, breaking it, and proceeded to stab him with a large shard.

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*WTFGI What The Fuck Laugh Inducement