The terrible, horrible, no-good very bad morning
Mornings aren't my thang. Though I love waking up early, and to a quiet house, I have to force myself to complete my daily routine at the start of each day. Sometimes this routine is absolutely flawless. Other times everything that can go wrong will do so.
Today was the latter.
It started off much like every normal morning. Got out of bed, went potty, grabbed the pill case that contains my synthroid.
And dropped it. Pills everywhere. Not just the two synthroid. Nope. The after-breakfast and noon compartments, too. Two of the dogs came running to claim the two-second rule, meaning you have two seconds to pick something up or they will eat it."Hershey, stay back!" I hissed, not wanting to wake up my mother and her demon dog. "Hershey, back! God damn it, Piper, get out of here. Piper! Piper! Ugh, get back!"
Five minutes later, all the pills were off the floor and I had climbed into my chair to sort them. Ten minutes later, I was back on the floor again in search of a baby aspirin.
Hershey hit the back of my knee as I was going down the stairs. It buckled and I fell back. A step hit me square in the lower back, causing my left leg to briefly scream before going numb. It's due to a known injury, so I wasn't panicked by it. I hobbled to the kitchen to make my coffee and get the dogs fed.
That was the plan, at least.
The spoon struck the percolator's rim as I was putting the last grounds in. It knocked some of the brown stuff into the vessel itself. The rest went onto the floor.
"God damn it, Piper, get out of here. Piper! Piper! Don't eat that. God, you little shit, go outside!"
So I wasted a minute or two wiping the stuff off the floor, and another minute trying to stand up with one useless leg. (My back was already screaming due to the stairs.)
Went to feed the dogs only to find hardened chocolate ice cream droplets mixed with some red goop from Chinese food. Cleaned that up.
Opened to dog food container, scooped up a cup of food, and then accidentally whacked the cup on the counter's edge. Kibble everywhere, including under the damn stove.
It couldn't possibly get more draining that this.
I was wrong.
Hershey was leaving a slobber path around the stove. I had to get back on the floor to fish kibble out so he would stop clawing at it. By now, my mentality was "fuck it" - I hauled myself off the floor using the counter top.
My breakfast container had fastened itself and so, a half minute later, the whole thing exploded. Chicken and cabbage everywhere. I had to clear out the microwave and wash everything. By now, my back was demanding dilaudid or else it would make me piss myself.
Finally, we could start the day properly. Took my breakfast and the dogs upstairs. Had to go back down for the forgotten coffee cup. Took that upstairs to find the brown dog standing on his hind legs in a bid to snag my breakfast. I sent him to his bed. And then I had to go all the way back downstairs to grab my weekly injection. I'm stumbling at this point.
I made it to the landing. That was when my back got revenge. I'll spare you the details, but it did take me twenty minutes to clean up. My exploded chicken and warm coffee were at room temperature by then.