This means WAR!

 If you've come here to see me rant about the 2020 elections, you're about to be disappointed. This is about real war. WAR, you hear me? And I, a grizzled and gruff old chick, may not be up to the battle.

 

MEET THE ENEMY: Plodia interpunctella

 Don't let its size fool you. I've battled these bastards several times in my life. They replicate like aliens and have a knack for hiding everywhere.

The Indianmeal moth, Plodia interpunctella (Hübner) [Insecta: Lepidoptera: Pyralidae], is a very common household pest, feeding principally on stored food products. In fact, it has been called the most important pest of stored products commonly found in American homes or grocery stores. The larvae are general feeders and can be found in grain products, seeds, dried fruit, dog food, and spices. - University of Florida | IFAS

They aren't particularly pretty.  "You can easily distinguish the adult moth by its pale body and “grainy-brown” wing patches," according to Environmental Pest Management. 

I distinguish them by their slender form and penchant for just sitting there without a care in the world. Moth on the wall? Squish. Moth in the shower? Spray. Moth on the floor? Hershey eats them. 

We had an influx of moths all throughout the late summer. I assumed they were coming in from outside. It's been an unseasonably cool summer and warm Autumn.

My first clue that they had settled in was a box of Cheerios. The caterpillar was trapped in the plastic and not actually in the grainy goodness. The contents of the box were promptly spread in the parking area for birds to eat.

And then came the paper towels. Oh, God. The towels.

We don't have room in the pantry for our things. My mother claims every cabinet, ergo we have a shelving unit in the dining room. It serves as a place to store our food as well as extra things in case of a COVID-fueled "lockdown". 

One of those things was my precious bulk pack of Brawny paper towels. It was the largest I could find at the time. We finally - finally, since March! - ran out of towels so I asked Gruff Vet to drag the massive thing out.

The first roll made my stomach curl. There, on the plastic and paper, writhed a tentacle monster from Japanese porn. I used a spoon to flick a few caterpillars onto the counter for Gruff Vet to see. He wasn't impressed.

He doesn't know the peril! He faced enemy on the field of battle during his service but he has never fought the War of the Worm!

"Yes I have," he grumbled. He's been grumpy all damn day. "We had them in the south."

The problem with Plodia interpunctella is its life cycle. It's rapid, meaning that a female moth can lay up to 400+ eggs. These hatch into caterpillars that quickly find food sources. It can be a rolled up carpet, a wicker basket, a package of paper towels, a box of cereal, a bag of dog food... or a bag of bird seed that I forget we had sitting near the shelving unit.I wasn't intentionally aiding and abetting the enemy. That said, the seed back had holes (and caterpillars and pupa in it) and the plastic shopping bag looked like it had been riddled with bullets. The little sack was ground zero. And, more painfully, had seen several generations pass through.

Depending on the temperature and time of year, moths can take three weeks to 135 days to fully mature.  Food damage occurs during the somewhat lengthy larval phase of development. The larvae will crawl to protected or hidden areas to spin their final cocoons. - Environmental Pest Management

So why does it matter? The paper towels, bird food, and cereal box were chucked. Problem solved, right?

Um, nope. This was just the prequel. This war hits you in the pocketbook.

Environmental Pest Management (you'll notice my fondness of quoting them) suggests the basics for meal moth control.

☒ Try to discover the food source where the moths originated. If you find it, wrap it in plastic and throw away immediately, preferably outside your home in your external trash can. 

☐ Throw away grain or other dry food sources, especially those stored in paper packaging or boxes, as moths will lay their eggs in the cracks of such packaging. Consider clearing out all the dry food in your home and starting from scratch–after a thorough cleaning. 

☐ Discard all shelf liners Wash down shelving with a soapy water mixture or light bleach blend, and finish with a spritz of peppermint oil mixed in water to prevent the moths from returning. 

☐ Clean out and sanitize your trash bins, making sure to pay extra attention to cracks and crevices that could all be great places for moths to lay eggs. 

☐ Place all “new” grains or nuts in a thick, sealable bag or container in the freezer whenever possible. 

☐ Use sturdier storage that seals tightly to store pasta and other dry goods in the cupboard or pantry. 

☐ Purchase smaller quantities of grains and other storable foods so they are used quickly and not sitting around attracting pests. 

 Be patient and persistent. It can take several months to fully eradicate a severe moth infestation.

Basically, this means going back to the way I used to do things. Mason jars to store, freeze dry goods before storage to kill eggs and caterpillars, keep dog food in a sealed container (already do that), and purge EVERYTHING that allows them to thrive. 

However - and I really hate that word during times like this - However, they do love paper. Our house is BRIMMING with the stuff. My parents NEVER threw ANYTHING out. Furniture receipts dating back to 1962, plays sitting in large binders, notes, letters. It's overwhelming. And, because Gruff Vet and I are crammed into one room, we have STACKS of shit everywhere. The closet is full.

And yes, these bastards do chew on clothing.

The caterpillars. Not my Better Half.

In a sense, I'm looking forward to doing this stuff. It's a blessing in disguise as it will allow me to purge things we don't need or that have gone bad - Better Half and I need to unite over this in order to convince my mother that stale raw pasta can be replaced.

It also serves as an excuse to de-clutter the paper piles. "Mum, look, these things are going to keep breeding and contaminating our food."

I only hope I have the energy to get it done.

__________________

As a side story here... when I was 6, I poured myself a bowl of Grapenuts. I pinched stuff out of the bowl and popped it into my mouth while getting my juice and the milk. I poured the juice (ate another pinch of cereal) and then enough milk to turn a bowl of cereal into soup.

Worms floated to the top, whipping around in distress because they were obviously not amused by their new aqua pit.

To my credit, I held my vomit back. Hey, extra protein, right?

"Mom! MOM! There are germy worms in my soup!"

Since that time, I have checked EVERY item that comes out of a bag. It's called scoleciphobia, as the caterpillars looked like worms to me.